When you lose a loved one to a disease everyone thinks of the bigger picture, as far as that loss is concerned. We thing of the loss of a second income, the handling of daily chores, paying the bills, food shopping, doctors appointments, car pooling kids etc. while in reality these are a big part of the loss, I've noticed its the little things that are missed the most.
When my daughter-in-law Sarah passed away in March, I had a calendar on my home office desk. Four months later when I was packing my house to put everything in storage, so I could move to another state to help my son out with the kids, I noticed my calendar. It hit me like a ton of bricks that my life had come to a total stand still, while rushing by me at a hundred miles a minute. I sat down at my desk and started sobbing. It wasn't all the things I mentioned above that I missed.
What I missed was her musical laughter, her caring ear and her loving heart. I missed the fact that my son and his boys had rarely sat around the dinner table to eat, like they had when Sarah was with us. I missed the sense of joy in their house. Sarah was the brightest woman I knew, yet she had this way of doing the silliest things that she would laugh hysterically over. She was like a gilded butterfly fluttering through the house, making banana muffins, thinking of ways to re decorate her house, art projects with the boys and more. When you were with Sarah there was never a dull moment.
The other thing I miss about Sarah is her backbone. She was the kindest person around but she never yes'ed anyone to death. She would stand up for what she believed in and knew exactly who she was. She did not have to become a chameleon just to fit in or be liked. this was the number one reason I loved her so. She knew who and what she was and made no apologies or excuses for it.
the most important thing I miss is her sense of loyalty. Sarah would never betray anyone or their trust. She was the one you called to bail you out of a jam in the middle of the night and if she didn't go get you then she would definitely send my son. Its a shame that more women now a days don't understand the true sense of worth and some no longer understand the concept of loyalty. Some women sadly will betray you at the drop of a hat and will find the most trifle excuse to explain it away. Sarah was never like that.
Even though Sarah was only 32 years old she became my mentor and best friend. thanks to Sarah I learned to appreciate my husband more and understand what true devotion was, something that is sadly lacking in the world today.
My hopes in writing this post is to let families know that we must remember and celebrate those little things with those left behind. We cannot let the stress of bills, or the anger of the loss, bring our lives to a total stop as mine had been up to the point of me seeing my calendar.
If we do allow this to happen then we are doing a disservice to the memory of our loved one, if every thing they stood for, fought for or created is left to crumble and fade away into a distant dusty memory.
I still don't know where this new road will take me. My life is still in storage in two states. I no longer have my own home, I had to give away my beloved dog. I have put my life, career and dreams on hold as the world seems to rush by and mostly my marriage is now a long distance relationship.
I know one thing for sure had it not been for Sarah's guidance and for her being my sounding board, my marriage would not be as strong as it is today.
I know without a doubt that my marriage will survive and be stronger now, because I will never take my husband or his kindness for granted. Ever. I will also strive to be more loving, patient and loyal above all. I will remember that Sarah is no longer physically here, but I cannot destroy what she has left for us emotionally.
I hope that this will some how help people to slow down a bit, appreciate each other more, live life a little bit more, and hate a little bit less.
Nothing is guaranteed in life, but one thing we can control, is how we treat those around us and how we make the most of the littlest things!